Hey guys! I haven’t written a post like this in a looong time, but of course I love the opportunity to reflect on things that have happened in my life and things I enjoy. I first saw the concept of this post on Amelia Pontes’ blog long ago, and I always enjoyed seeing what she was learning and loving. Warning, long(ish) post below 🙂
Five Lessons Learned
1. Internet dating is not my thing, so I don’t need to do it anymore. I had been trying to put myself out there to date and talk with more guys via dating websites, but I’m kind of over it. I tend to feel really uncomfortable getting to know someone that way (which is a little funny since I write a blog and talk to all of you!), and all too often the guys are doing some shady things that I find out about, so I give up on dating via the internet. This decision pretty much leaves me to accept my single-ness until I meet someone in person. Giving up the belief that I need to actively search for love has freed me. I feel like I can just live life now and not worry about the fact that I’m not dating anyone. It doesn’t make me a weird person because I’m single, and it doesn’t mean I’m undesirable to others. It just means that I no longer am going to search for love in that way and that I don’t have to accept the thought that a 23 year old must be dating or looking for the “one”. Maybe someday I’ll meet someone, and maybe I won’t, and right now that’s okay.
2. Besides, all I need is puppy love. Seriously, my dog completes me. All I need is her unconditional love. It brightens my day.
3. I’m not always going to find validation for the way that I think from people who are close to me, and I have to accept that and move on. I really have an issue with needing to be accepted and validated by family and friends in my thoughts and actions. Sometimes I find myself going at great lengths to explain my decisions, especially regarding past friendships that I have cut off, to be validated in my reasoning for doing so. I know that this decision is what I want, but I really hate feeling like people disapprove. I have to get over it, because this is my life and my decision.
4. As I’m getting older, I miss the relationships I had during undergrad, but I’m realizing I can never recreate it. Sometimes I think that if I just put myself back in the situation that I was happiest in, everything will go right back to normal. But I’m different now; all of my friends are different now. So many of my closest friends are in serious, committed relationships, and that changes things. Not in a bad way, because I know they all are with great people and enjoying that part of their lives, but we’re no longer going to be all the single girls together. Their significant others are becoming their best friends, so things change. I miss it a lot, but it will never be the same, but that doesn’t mean it won’t turn into something better, a deeper friendship on different terms.
5. Blogging, for me, has built my confidence, but there are times that it diminishes it. At those times, I need to reflect on what’s really bothering me, and then confront and work on resolving it. Most of the time I feel confident (or at least, some degree of confident), but then there are times I take OOTD pictures that make me dislike my appearance. Awhile ago I would have let those feelings bother me all day. I would cover up and hide myself. Now I can better recognize when it’s affecting me negatively, why, and how I can challenge it. Today I didn’t like that my face was so full in my pictures, but that’s my reality, and it doesn’t mean anything negative about me. So I’m still planning on posting them, because I have to keep pushing myself to accept myself on “good” and “bad” days.
Five Favorite Things
1. Recognizing clothes that I like (and are offered in plus-sizes!!) on T.V. shows. I was watching Glee this past week and realized that Naya Rivera was wearing the American Rag lace jacket that I posted about a few weeks ago. I got ridiculously excited about it.
Plus Size American Rag Jacket
Naya Rivera as Santana on Glee
2. Songs that immediately bring back memories. Target has a new commercial that plays a remixed version of a song sung by Shirley Temple. Hearing her voice immediately took me back to watching Shirley Temple movies with my grandma when I used to stay the night at her house. My grandma had a stroke when I was 5, which forever changed her personality and sometimes her ability to really communicate with me, so moments when I get lucidity about early memories with her are amazing.
(And it made me want to watch Poor Little Rich Girl)
3. Twitter. I love talking to all of you on twitter. I used to think it was the most stupid social media site, but now I love it so much more than facebook and all of that. Plus, you are all so funny and nice :).
4. The City Chic 60% off sale frenzy. The night that City Chic started their 60% off sale, my twitter was blowing up with everyone talking about what they were getting. It was fun to (kind of) get to shop with everyone since I almost always go shopping alone. I don’t have many plus-size friends that live nearby, so it was a unique experience for sure.
5. Planning trips for the summer. Every summer I try to plan a trip whether it be to somewhere far away or just a day trip. I always get anxious to travel, but grad school has kind of put a downer on that. I’m excited for this summer when I’ll get to (hopefully) go to the beach and the mountains. Plus planning the trip is always fun because it lets me escape my school reality for a bit!
What are your lessons learned and favorite things?
Love the second image of you and your dog. I swear the suicide rate would be a lot higher if there were not dogs and cats to take care of us.
I love Shirley Temple, fave movie is The Little Princess. She makes me happy just looking at her.
I so agree! She has definitely made my life happier. Oh, and The Little Princess! I had completely forgotten about that for some reason, but I think that’s the one that I’ve watched the most. I loved watching movies with her in it!
five things I love: 1) husband and kids, 2) Blogging, 3) Vegging out in front of the TV, 4) Snuggling in bed, 5) the Beatles
http://www.bigonmodesty.wordpress.com
I do #3 a lot, lol :). I love the Beatles, too. I can thank my mom for that since she’d play it all of the time when I was a kid.
I really enjoyed reading this ! It has literally took me 3 years to get back into dating i used those 3 years to focus on myself and find myself again after getting out of a crappy relationship with the biggest loser on earth (lol)
And yes I totally heare that target commercial and love me some Shirley temple and about your grandma I can relate in a way I was so close to my papa one day out of no were he had a heartache and died when I found out a piece of me died with him I was 18 when he passed and still to thid day miss him oh so much even talking about it gets me chocked up !
I really think your a neat girl and glad we are Blog and twitter sisters =] xoxo
Thanks, Crystal! I found myself feeling the need to date because that’s what I was “supposed” to be doing instead of what I wanted to do, so I think I’ll be taking a similar road as you. Allowing time to focus on myself and figure out what I want from life. Thank you for sharing about your papa. Losing a loved one is never easy no matter the circumstances.
Thanks for the sweet comment, & I’m glad we can talk and share through blogs & twitter, too 🙂
Sorry for the typos my typing has a hard time keeping up with my thoughts =]
Ugh, I wish I could get back to the same place you are at! I hate online dating but force myself to participate anyway. I used to think similarly but I guess being in a relationship (now out) has changed things for me.
In previous years, it was a source of entertainment for me rather than seeking companionship (which was a whole different set of problems, not to mention mean) and now I’m recently out of a relationship and kind of want that entertainment back. Realistically, I should just focus on myself and finishing school… but that gets boring.
That jacket is really cute! I should check out Macy’s more often. Though I think I’m about to go on a longgggg shopping break.
In the meantime, the e-mail I have for an OkCupid account is a great source for laughs when I check it once a week. I am extremely skeptical about online dating, so I don’t think it will provide any results.
I can imagine having been in a relationship changes your willingness to do online dating. Since I haven’t experienced love, or even a committed relationship, I don’t know what I’m missing, which makes it easier. I agree about the entertainment thing. Sometimes it’s fun to just talk to men my age, and I have met some nice guys on there that I still keep in touch with. Maybe it’s just the website I go to that sucks. (Plentyoffish.com). I need to go on a shopping break, too, but I’ve said that about 4 times this year. It’s harder than I imagined :-X.
Loved this post, and LOVE the Shirley Temple song…it literally gets stuck in my head on a weekly basis. Lessons learned 1) the love of your animals is in a category all on it’s own. the love I have for my pets (and they have for me) is the most genuine love. 2) You can NEVER change a person. In my experience, a long time friend. I never want to lose that friend, but I have to learn they will never change, and learn to love them anyways, and not let those things get to me like they used to. 3) Don’t feel guilty for not making time to see everyone. I live so far from majority of my family that I don’t get to see them very often. I often hear how “I never see you anymore” and blah blah blah…hello? I’m not the only one with a car. 4) You don’t have to be a scholar to be smart. I always felt a little self-conscious over not receiving my 4-year degree when everyone else in my family has. I did get my 2-year degree and I should be happy about that. It doesn’t make me less of a person, I just chose a different path. 5) Getting married young does not equal trouble. I got married when I was 20 and in some ways it made me grow up much quicker than others my age. I have been established for 6 years now and am realizing most people my age are just now getting to that point. Most people tell me it’s a death sentence to get married so young, but I have enjoyed it and we have grown together. 6) And the one I have learned most recently is JUST DANCE! Find that something that makes you happy and you look forward to. For the last few months, for me, it has been zumba. I absolutely love it! It has given me the confidence that I can do this, even with being plus size, and that I can commit myself to something. I have always loved dancing, and this has made me feel like part of a dance group again. Sorry for writing sooo much!
I love this, especially #4! I can get soapboxy about education, but I’m realizing now that my path is not the “right one” for everyone and not better than anyone else’s path
LOVE this post! Incredibly mature and very insightful (in addition to having some terrific clothes!). And I love, love, LOVE what you said about the combination of internet dating w/ the unconditional love of a good doggy :> I thought Internet dating was a great idea, too … and then, I tried it. Actually, more than once … let’s see …. there was the guy who wouldn’t date me once he found out we were such close geographic neighbors, we could walk to each other’s homes … there was the guy I got kicked out of a major site because he wasn’t legally single … there was the guy who was all set in Missouri and just wanted the woman to complete the picture, and here I am a Jersey girl … there were the guys that surely sounded good! but either they never wrote back, or wrote back and just fizzled out and I never knew why … and one time when I did quit a site, I had 29 I was waiting to hear back on, and I was like – this is just too ridiculous for words ;-
When we’re happy being ourselves, we are free! I have so many posts on this issue. Thank you! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this!