I decided to wear shorts to school on Thursday. That’s a pretty simple statement, right? But it was not a simple act.
I very rarely wear shorts in public, which is kind of odd since I feel fine in a dress or skirt. I don’t think I’ve worn shorts to school since I was in elementary school, and those of my friends who have seen me in shorts over the years probably did so by accident or because of insane heat.
Mid-way through my 45 minute long drive to school, insecurity crept in. It wasn’t just the typical fidgety and constant pulling at the hem of my shorts kind either. It was the “where is the closest plus-size store so I can buy pants, a dress, ANYTHING” kind of insecurity.
I found myself risking being late for class (and a possible depletion of my bank account) to make an emergency run to Lane Bryant. True to my in-store shopping luck, I searched all through the store for jeans, any jeans, that were my size. I found one, ONE, pair of jeans, and whisked myself into the dressing room. As I pulled them up, my insecurity grew. I realized these jeans were not going to fit me properly. I stood there staring at myself in the mirror and hating every inch of me.
I was defeated. I flung off the jeans in a rage and forced back on my shorts, vowing to never trick myself into wearing them to school again.
I had to talk myself into going to class. I had to talk myself into walking without my eyes glued to the floor.
When I got into my class, fellow students smiled and said hello. Believe it or not, class went on and the world did not stop. When I walked back to my car, I made myself look at those who were passing me, and none of them gave a damn that I was wearing shorts.
I felt silly: silly for letting insecurity get to me, silly for letting one article of clothing send me into a tizzy, and silly for not facing my insecurity head on from the start.
I’ve been thinking a lot about that experience, because it was truly the first time since blogging/FA that insecurity stopped me in my tracks, and I decided to get back in the shorts and make it right with myself. When I put them on today, I loved them. The shorts hadn’t changed, but I had, and I will continue to do so to work towards accepting myself.
I’m sure you’re all like, “Okay, Rebecca, enough and get to the damn pictures!” So, I will… 🙂
Jacket: Lane Bryant
Top: Old Navy (Last Year)
Shorts: Old Navy
Shoes: Avenue
Ring: Target (No longer available)
Purse: Aldo
Today, I’m happy.
I too have shorts-a-phobia! I.Just.Can’t. I used to love my legs. Now that I am older. Not so much. I know I am my own worst critic. I KNOW it. but I still can’t get past some things.
Really I wanted to comment to the LB jeans thing. I have been trying to find a new pair of jeans for MONTHS. I try on various styles at LB every time I go in (a few times a month) Finally, this past Friday, I decided to just try on the store and that included skinny jeans in a size 2 sizes bigger than what I “normally” wear. Glory be! I found my jeans in a size and a style that I have never even tried before.
That said, next time I am there to use my RWDs, I might try some shorts. Or capri’s. I am opening my eyes to possibilities.
Thanks for the comment, Patty! I still have issues with my arms mostly, and I’m really trying to work on it, but it’s not easy! I’m glad that you finally found a pair there. I think we all have to let go of particular sizes/cuts and try on things just to see if they will work on us. Unfortunately, LB seems to be sizing me out, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to wear their jeans anymore. Thank goodness I found some other places! I hope you do try shorts and capris. You may be surprised!
As an update, I have recently started wearing skorts on the weekend. they hit me at the knee so it’s not TOO bad. But man I am white. I actually like the skorts better then I did the capris. The latter just hit my ankles in a weird place.
Also, RuPaul said something the other night – “what other people think about me is none of my business” – I am trying to embrace that!
It’s funny how we can convince (trick) ourselves into thinking something is going to make the world tilt off of its axis – and yet, it never stops spinning. I don’t like shorts as a general rule FOR ME, but I think you look adorable in yours.
Yep, doubt can do crazy things! Hopefully being aware of that can help me cope next time it happens. Thank you for your comment!
Honey, you look fine! What I can’t stand on any plus size woman, including and especially myself!, are those teeny weeny shorts that creep up your butt checks – that just doesn’t look attractive. These are very attractive! Nice and inspirational OOTD!
Thanks, Jeannee! I don’t care for disappearing shorts on anyone, fat or not, haha!
Been reading your blog for a while and I think this is my first comment.
I got to say I had a very similar moment yesterday! I commend you for sharing it.
I also love the way you match your clothing without over doing it. We have very different styles but I appreciate the way you can pair things and accessorize.
Much love.
Thank you for the comment, Dolores! My favorite part of a new commenter? Getting to read new-to-me blogs!
I totally understand this feeling, especially regarding shorts. Actually, I still haven’t worn a dress or skirt without leg wear yet, partly because it’s not hot enough here yet, but also out of a huge insecurity of my legs. I’ve been so obsessed with them since I was about 11, because they’re always been chunky, with no visible kneecaps and cellulite. This summer is about conquering that fear for me, I think! It’s so so hard though, and reading things like this makes it seem more doable. So thank you 🙂 And you look amazing, of course! I love shorts on you!
me too, elizabeth. i’ve been able to get over people seeing the tiny clear stretch marks on my arms and go sleeveless, but above the knee? really a challenge. my big issue, aside from cellulite, are spider and varicose veins. they’re just not appealing at all. plus i am SUPER PALE. i don’t know if it’s ever going to be something i flaunt. but wearing pants in the summer heat is brutal too.
i appreciate your detailed account of your day, rebecca. thanks for sharing honestly and getting into your thought-process. i can empathize. good for you for going for it.
Elizabeth & Danielle- thank you both for your fantastic comments! I have vein issues in my right leg, but try to put it out of mind. I think the hardest part for me was not the front of my legs, but the back of my legs. I don’t like the way they look from that angle. You are both an inspiration to me, so your responses mean a lot to me <3. Thanks!
You really don’t need to be ashamed about you’re legs! They look fine to me! I have a similar par of shorts and LOVE them. I wear them all the time. If it it’s cold (it’s ALWAYS cold here so a girl need to have a couple of tricks) I just put a pair of leggings under. Works every time!
I have a lot of insecurity moments.mostley when I am going to do something new that I don’t know how to do. My mum always tell me a thing that I think fits great to your story. (And I never learn, it doesn’t mather how many times she tells me)
“Nobody is going to look at you. They are all to buisy to worrie about themself and about what they look like”
Something like that atleast, Im not the best translater. Anyway, the point is that it is so easy to get fixated on things that other people don’t even see. Thank you for charing!
That’s a great quote!! I’m a major worrier on a lot of things, especially trying new things like you said. When I first started teaching, my anxiety was horrible. Same with when I started graduate school. I guess we can never grow if we don’t push ourselves! Thanks for the comment!
I have shorts-phobia, too. Not necessarily to work out in, I spent a lot of last summer wearing stretchy jersey shorts to work out in, but denim shorts? Terrifying. I’m not self-conscious about my legs generally, but there is something about denim shorts that makes me feel self-conscious.
I really appreciate the honesty in this post– it seems that a lot of us are perpetuating this myth that after you accept your body once, everything is ok all of a sudden. In reality, it’s a constant evolution. I struggle with the exact same things and these types of posts are exactly why I love fatshion and exactly why I love your blog.
By the way, you look super cute in the shorts. 😀
Thank you, Anna! I love your comment, and you’re so right. We don’t magically become accepting of our bodies. It takes time, and sometimes we go backwards before we can go forwards. I think denim shorts have been off limit for me, because I would NEVER wear them in high school. This is definitely a new choice for me, but I love it now!
I’m so proud of you lovely! I know how hard it is to get through the day when you don’t feel comfortable in what you’re wearing, the paranoia becomes unbearable & you end up feeling so bad about yourself & think that every prolonged look or loud snigger is aimed at you (or at least that’s how I feel!) but in the end you realise that nobody else cares & if you’d just cracked on with it you wouldn’t have put yourself through all the stress! You look adorable too. I adore denim shorts, they’re my wardrobe staple.
Thank you for your comment, Stephanie. I know everyone has these days where doubt and insecurity creep in. All of theses comments have definitely made me feel better about it! I think the important part is not letting that bad day define the way you think of yourself and moving on. <3
I love the shorts! You look adorable as always. I have the same problem with them. I own one pair (That’s not counting gym shorts but only my mister sees me in those.) You posts makes me wonder why shorts are so challenging. Every woman I know, big or small, seems to have some sort of short-phobia. Hmmm… makes you think.
I think to a certain extent, women are supposed to have these amazing legs. All of the stars have long, thin legs and society holds these up as the ideal. For a woman who doesn’t have this “ideal body”, legs can really be scary because we know the expectation. Then again, my gender class may just be making me extra crazy about gender expectations :).
I think those shorts are lovely! And you look great in them!
BTW, if you didn´t know I´m hosting a giveaway on my blog! One of my lucky readers is in with a chance to win a 50 dollar voucher to spend at Igigi.com
xxx
Thanks for the comment! I’d feel too guilty entering since I’ve already won an IGIGI giftcard once, but I’m definitely going to check out your blog! <3
That outfit is so fierce! Majority of the time it is ourselves who stop us from being us…no one in the world really cares enough about what your wearing lol…you have to be able to walk by a mirror and smile and love you! Glad you snatched those hot behind jeans off and threw back on your shorts girl! You look fabulous! and never let your insecurities stop you from being the most fabulous you ever! And if someone did have anything to say about your shorts, obviously they have a personal problem that they need to personally fix lol…their dislikes have nothing to do with you :). Keep being gorgeous honey because somebody has to :).
This comment is all kinds of wonderful! Thank you so much, Jess! You are truly amazing!
Hi Rebecca, I identify very much with you, I suffer such “crisis”, but with my arms (I call myself the incredible Hulk:-P). A year ago fattening about 7 kilos or so and I left many huge red streaks and from that day I never put any garment that would cover at least not to my elbow. In summer you step wrong, but I can not get over, use sleeved tunic falls, higher sizes shirts that fall on my arms … I’m taking care of my arms to fade stretch marks and exercising to look better, little by I’ll cover them a little bit less.
By the way, are great and I’m learning a lot from you, thanks!
Estrella
Thank you for your comment, Estrella! I think we all have those areas that bother us. In high school I had visible stretch marks that affected the way I dressed, but over time they have either disappeared or lost their redness. I still have issues with my arms, too. Becoming comfortable in your skin doesn’t happen over night! Like you said, we have to work on it little by little <3.
This look is super cute. I like the jacket with the cuffed denim shorts. It’s a very cute look.
Thank you, Alisa!
I like your bag, very cute! I can see from your face that you are happy, and I am happy for you 😉
♥ Ylenia
from longuette
Thank you, Ylenia! It’s a journey, for sure!
Oh my goodness – this is the prettiest outfit ever! I love your taste in fashion. 🙂
Thanks, Joy!
i found your story really inspirational that you did eventually go to school in your shorts which you look great in by the way !
I get this feeling all the time and do sort of limit myself to trying new things because of this.
After reading this i am going to try and wear things i usually wouldn’t out because as you so rightly said the world will go on and nobody will probably even notice !
thank you x
Thanks, Launa! I think we all have our safe spaces that we are willing to be more experimental in. If I’m going to the movies or something, I’m much more willing to try new things than school where I see the same people every day. I really want to get more comfortable with that, since that’s where I spend most of my time! I’m checking out your blog tonight 🙂
The entire outfit is adorable!
Thank you!!
You look fabulous in shorts! And a cute outfit. Thanks for sharing your story – it is great to read about different experiences and how people overcome their fears.
I usually avoid shorts because it has been virtually impossible to find a pair that fit properly for my body. I don’t mind showing off my legs these days (since plus size dresses keep getting shorter and shorter I’ve grown accustomed) but I hate the front/back wedgie action I get from walking around in shorts. HA!
Wish I had seen this before I placed my Old Navy order, I might have tried them out. I love the bermuda length!
Oh yea, wedgies in any direction are not good, lol!! Well now that I know you ordered them, I can’t wait to see what you do with them! I’m sure you will look amazing!
I had the exact same epiphany about wearing a bathing suit. I was so worried that I was gonna be stared at but when I got to the pool, everybody was minding their own business and didn’t even care. I’m so glad you put the shorts on a second time and felt SO much better 🙂 That’s a really amazing feeling. 🙂 & of course you look lovely!
Thanks Thomessa! I have a party to attend coming up soon, and I will definitely have to confront the swimsuit in front of strangers fear. I’m okay in front of relatives, but I’m sure it will be harder when they are friends of friends. Here’s to hoping I’ll have your confidence!
I love the shorts on you! 🙂 Very cute!
It’s funny how one item of clothing can send us into a frenzy! I have issues with getting my legs out in general but this summer I have bought some maxi skirts and some nice dresses to try and get over this fear (I guess?) of having my legs on show!
I’m glad you changed your mind about the shorts – they really look great on you!
Lovely blog by the way – I’m a new reader 🙂 xx
Thank you, Sarah! I realize it’s been weeks since you posted this, but I’ve been enjoying your blog and tweeting with you!