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Pushing Through

August 25, 2011

I’ve been in a clothing and life rut, slump, whatever-ya-wanna-call-it, for the past couple weeks, and I’m having a hard time motivating myself or being inspired to update the ol’ blog. When I get to this point in my writing, whether it be on here or school, sometimes I have to tell myself to just write something.. something not even important so that I don’t completely disconnect myself from my writing or build up a negative pressure to produce something. So I’m falling back on those old surveys that people used to do when MySpace was popular, which means this is really boring for any of you who aren’t into that type of thing, but as for me, I’m going to keep pushing through until inspiration strikes.
If you were caught cheating, would you fess up? Heck yea. I typically have too much guilt anyways to cheat on anything (like a test, etc.), but also too much integrity to do it in the first place. I feel guilty about things that weren’t even intentionally harmful or “wrong”. I also can’t lie, so fessing up it is!

The last time you felt honestly broken? I guess it would be during my student teaching experience. There were days where I felt like I had failed and didn’t know how to put the pieces back together. I felt a lot of pressure to be really great at it, and the fact that my co-teacher didn’t think I was so great really shattered my confidence.

Are you craving something? I’m finding myself craving for a boyfriend lately. I’m typically independent, but I’d like to meet a guy who could be my companion.

If you could have one thing right now what would it be? My bedroom magically decorated and organized and a walk in closet the size of my bedroom, haha.

Would you rather have ten kids, or none? Oh geez… I haven’t gotten to that nurturing point in my life, but I know it will be here eventually… I’m torn on this one.. probably 10 kids though.

What do you hear right now? Air conditioning

Is your bed against more than one of your walls? Nope, just against one.

What’s on your mind right now? The fact that I should be reading for class… the procrastination has already begun, folks!

Are you there for your friends? I try to be, but I also try not to pry too much. I hope they will come to me if they need me, but I recognize that they might all have other people (like their boyfriends) who are their “person”.

Last person to see you cry? Probably my mom. I tend to go to her if something is wrong.

What do you do when you get nervous? My voice usually gets a little wavy, and I have to remind my self that I can do whatever it is I’m about to do. I worry and blab to my mom, haha.

Be honest, do you like people in general? I enjoy people every once in a while… lol, just kidding. That’s why I want to be a teacher! I like connecting with people, but I am shy.

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? 30+

Does anyone completely understand you? Not sure, but the closest would be my mom, sister Katie, or friend Ash… sometimes they understand me TOO well πŸ™‚

Do you have a reason to smile right now? Absolutely! I’m lucky enough to be going into my 2nd year of grad school, and lucky enough to talk to all of YOU!

Has anyone told you they don’t ever wanna lose you? I don’t believe so, but I like to think that some of my friends and family feel that way :-P.

Would you be happier if life had a rewind button? No, live and learn.

Do you tell your mum or dad everything? My mom gets to hear most of everything, but that’s because I don’t live a scandalous life, haha. When I go through my “wild streak” I’ll keep it to myself.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes? Yep. I lived with someone who smoked in college, and I started having bad allergic reactions to it. I wouldn’t assign a “good” or “bad” label to people who do or don’t do it, but I physically can’t take much of it.

Are you going to get hurt anytime soon by someone? How should I know?! But probably not, because I’m too good at guarding myself.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked? Nobody. I haven’t met anyone to crush on!

Do you think more about the past, present, or future? I tend to think most about the past or future, but I know I need to focus more on the present.

How many hours of sleep do you get a night? 7ish.

Are you easy to get along with? I think so, but you never know!

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? Absolutely not. I probably wouldn’t have a conversation with someone I didn’t like.

What was the last drink that you put in your mouth? Sweet tea, of course. I live in North Carolina πŸ™‚

What size bed do you have? Queen!

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? I start it before.

Do you like the rain? It’s nice if I’m not outside walking around in it.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? It’s possible.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? Of course. I told myself I wouldn’t waste time today, but here I am ;).

Would people refer to you as a goodie goodie, bad news, or neither? goodie goodie for sure

Who were you last in the car with, besides family? Hmm.. probably my friend Ashley.. and it’s been awhile. I’m usually alone or with family and extended family.

What’s the last movie you saw in theaters and with who? The Help with a bunch of family members for my aunt’s birthday.

Have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/ girlfriend? Umm, we’ll count this as a lesson learned and a testament as to why #1 is so important.

Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you? Absolutely. When best friends become not friends at all, it’s usually over something pretty devastating.

Your parents are out of town. Would you throw a massive party? Well being 23 means I can tell my parents that I’m having a party while they are out of town, and they trust me enough to be okay with it, so yes.

Do you regret a past relationship? No. It all works together to build the person I am today.

Would you rather spend a Friday night at a concert or a crazy party? Depends how crazy the “crazy” party is, but I tend to like parties more than concerts. I like to talk and mingle, and I’ve always came away from concerts kind of disappointed.

Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over? There are similarities. I tend to fall for the “funny guy”.

Have you made a joke about somebody that made them cry? Not that I can think of

Do you care too much about your appearance? Maybe so. I want to prove people wrong about their assumptions about fat girls, but I know that works against itself in some ways.

Are you a jealous person? Mostly no, but I can be jealous of someone who can keep their confidence in a situation that I feel anxious in or if I feel replaced as a friend, etc. Insecurity creepin’ in!

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? Yep, I picked up some stuff from Old Navy.

Do you miss anyone? I always miss people.

Last person who made you cry? My brother, ha. When he makes me mad it’s tears city.

Does your ex piss you off? I have no ex to make me upset. Hooray?

What are you doing tomorrow? Homework, homework, homework, and more homework.

Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/ girlfriend every week? Definitely not. I don’t want to be, but sometimes I envy people who can make romantic connections with others so easily.

Is there anyone you want to come see you? I’d love to catch up with some old friends!

Have you ever been cheated on? No, because I’ve never been in a committed relationship with someone.

Ever given your all to someone who walked away? I’ve laid my feelings out for someone and they’ve walked away, but that was many years ago.

Do you like cotton candy? Who doesn’t?!

Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with? A friend that I did English teacherly things with.

Do you have siblings? Yep! 2 sisters, 1 brother, and 2 brother-in-laws. It’s a crowd for sure!

Have you ever fallen asleep on someone? As a baby… and probably on Lola hahaha.

How has the past week been for you? Good. Starting your second year of grad school is smoother than your 1st!

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yes, but only about certain things and not often.

Do you have any plans for the weekend? I’m getting training to become a tutor in my university’s writing center. Funnn!

Okay, if you made it through this then you are a trooper (and possibly have too much time on your hands). In a week I’ll probably regret this post and take it down, but until then…

How do you push yourself through ruts, slumps, etc? What do you do for inspiration?

11 Comments leave one →
  1. Sheryl permalink
    August 25, 2011 4:05 pm

    I love these! I’ve always been shy (which nobody believes anymore) but back in the day I used to do those survey things quite often. I think it was my way of trying to put myself out there, but…I don’t know.

    As for life slumps…I hear you. I’m in one myself. I just try to tell myself that there’s a reason for it and that it’ll pass. Find a friend to laugh with and the slump will feel like it’s lifting! It’s easy to tell someone else that, and much harder to follow my own advice!

    As for teaching, I’m glad you’re sticking with it. The world needs kindhearted people like you in our classrooms, Rebecca. This is my sixth year as an elementary school teacher and I will tell you that most days I leave school feeling like I didn’t do enough or could have done it all better. I think that’s the nature of the job. We teachers tend to be perfectionists, and in a way that’s great because our students will be better off because of it…but in the same sense it’s really hard on the self-esteem. Even as challenging as it is, I can’t imagine doing anything else. Student teaching is tough…not too much like the real job. Building your own classroom community, setting things up the way YOU want to do them, and having it all under your control is so much better. I have no doubt you’ll be an amazing teacher!

    Good luck with all of it! πŸ™‚

    • August 26, 2011 10:57 pm

      I’m so with you on your 1st paragraph. I wanted people to know me, and it seemed easier for myself since I was shy to put myself out there through surveys.

      Yeah, slumps can get a person down, but you’re so right–it’s leading to something else! I know it will lift for me. I just need to do some things to make myself feel better.

      Thank you so much for the sweet comment about teaching! You’re right about it being hard on the self-esteem, but it is so great that you constantly reflect on your own practices.. that’s the sign of a GREAT teacher to me! Thanks so much for commenting! It lifted my spirits πŸ™‚

  2. Claire permalink
    August 25, 2011 4:16 pm

    I don’t think I’ve ever commented on one of your posts but I read them all! Just to let u know I’m missing your OOTD posts and hope ur inspiration comes back soon! Although I got through the post above and it was great to hear more about u πŸ™‚ x

    • August 26, 2011 11:01 pm

      Hi Claire!! Thank you so much for commenting! I always get really happy when someone new pops up on the comments :). I’m glad you enjoyed it, and I’m slowly getting back into the OOTDs πŸ™‚

  3. August 25, 2011 8:07 pm

    I loved reading this… I think you are so adorable, inside and out! I wish we lived closer… I’d try to assist in your boyfriend craving and introduce you to my little brother. (I say little but he is 24 years old and over 6 feet tall. He’ll always be my baby bro, I don’t care what he says!)

    As far as the inspiration goes, mine comes in waves and I think it’s better for me to take breaks from time to time so I don’t get burned out artistically. If I feel forced or pushed to create, write, draw, et cetera, I tend to shut down and then I get nothing done which is no good. :o)

    • August 26, 2011 11:03 pm

      You’re adorable! πŸ™‚ I wish we lived closer, too! I know we would be close friends. Probably good though, because I’d be seriously jealous of your nails all of the time πŸ™‚ hahaha. I so agree on the feeling forced. I was going to write a post for a “Love your body” campaign, but in the moment it felt so forced to meet the deadline that I just couldn’t write it. It wasn’t organic, so I lost all inspiration. Thanks for the comment, as always πŸ™‚

  4. August 27, 2011 4:27 am

    I really love that you’re so positive about all the good and also bad things that happened to you. I try to be that way too, I guess I manage on the outside but on the inside… it sometimes happens to still be a whole lot different story… but I’ve been improving considerably in the last few months : ) (actually ever since I started reading fat-positive blogs and other lifestyle blogs, so thank you for your contribution β™₯)

    • August 27, 2011 6:29 am

      Thanks for your comment! I’m not always so positive. A lot of time it’s distance and time away from what hurt me to make me much more calm about things. We’re emotional beings, so it’s natural that it takes time to move through things :). I agree with you completely! My outlook and self-esteem has changed completely since reading fat-pos blogs. I’m so thankful for this community and for readers like you πŸ™‚

  5. August 27, 2011 6:25 am

    Usually I just sit down and start typing. Or if I’m REALLY stuck, I get out a pen and nice notebook and start writing. For some reason, pen and paper makes it come out a lot easier. But I tend to just take notes as I think of things I want to talk about, little jottings, quotes, snippets and thoughts (I use my iPhone mostly to keep these notes!) which keeps me in topics to talk about.

    My inspiration usually comes from my fellow fatties. Often when I start to comment on their posts, I find it getting so long that it becomes a post of my own!

    • August 27, 2011 6:32 am

      Pen and paper do make a difference! I use it to draft my first paragraph for essays I write, but for some reason it’s not something I’ve done with my blog. Maybe I should? I love what you said about your inspiration. That’s what absolutely fascinates me about blogging. Multiple people building on topics, branching out, responding, moving towards different perspectives or topics. Love it!

  6. Taylor permalink
    August 27, 2011 5:35 pm

    I read all of your posts!! You share me and my best friend’s belief (we are both plus sized) that we want to change the world’s perception of plus size women. It makes me hurt inside when I see a beautiful plus size girl who is wearing baggy clothes or appear like they don’t care about the way they dress. I wish that big girls had more confidence!!

    If I’m going through a slump, I usually do some yoga, go shopping, or listen to some good music. The best time is to turn on some Frank Sinatra, Michael Buble, etc- get a glass of wine, give myself a pedicure, and decompress.

    For inspiration, I like to go to goodreads.com and write some quotes down and stick them all over my desk…

    Thank you so much for your blog!!! Keep writing!!!! πŸ™‚

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