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I’m Okay, But I’m Not Okay

October 1, 2014

Let’s just call this a surge of feelings prompted by the following:

photo (4)

and I kind of dislike my voice, so here’s me being all vulnerable..

35 Comments leave one →
  1. October 1, 2014 1:52 pm

    First you are beautiful! You are stylish, you are sassy and beautiful! It has taken me years and years to be ok with my body. People like this moron that posted are really unfortunately uneducated and just generally nasty people. Could us plus size gals lose a few pounds well sure, but being a hater is just ignorant and frankly you should just ignore them for they are ignorant. I know that is easier said then done but girls with curves is where is is at darlin!
    A sexy man that I would love to date (but he is too far) once told me that a girl without curves is like jeans without pockets he wouldn’t know where to put his hands!
    Sending lots of love from Arkansas! Hang in there girly!

    • October 3, 2014 9:38 am

      I want to thank you for the support. I also think we have to be weary of saying anything about thin vs. fat or women without curves. Any comment that makes any person’s body invalid or not as great as another is really not being body accepting and positive, even if they were originally intended to support marginalized bodies.

  2. October 1, 2014 1:58 pm

    After listening to your post, it saddens me that there are people in this world who have nothing better to do but be an asshole. Funny thing is, those ppl who make those comments NEVER have a picture of themselves up on their profile! What cowardice! Whenever I get a nasty comment, it hurts but eventually I remind myself of all the things that make me a wonderful person. Please dont let this asshole get into your head. You are more than your physical appearance and as someone who has met you in person, I know you are beautiful inside and out!

  3. October 1, 2014 2:33 pm

    Please don’t let ignorance deter you! Although I have never met you I have been following you for about a year now and can tell that you are a person with much to offer! I too have heard such comments and there was a point when they bothered me but not any longer…why? Because I REALLY like who I am at this point and focus on that!

  4. October 1, 2014 2:46 pm

    Oh Rebecca, I am beyond sorry. People are stupid and ignorant. I can tell you that this person can only find value in their own self by putting down others. You don’t live that way. You have an education, a great job, and you are living on your own. You’re moving forward and living life on your own terms. I totally understand what you mean by “Iā€™m Okay, But Iā€™m Not Okay”. Take it in, learn from it and move on. It will try to sneak back into your head a the times that you are weak but you know what, just remember that you are successful in life.

    I always think of Psalms 139:14: “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”

    I’m a King James girl. I love the language of that version. The English teacher in me, I guess.

    Bottom Line; we are who we are for a reason. If we all were the same, life would be so boring. Some people are not nice people. They just suck. I’ve become more jaded as I’ve gotten older. A lot of people are just plain stupid and you can’t fix it. I hope all this helps.

    • October 1, 2014 9:32 pm

      Amen sister! Hold your head high, Rebecca — God made you lovely!

  5. Ursula permalink
    October 1, 2014 3:12 pm

    You are a great example, how gorgeous a woman your size can look. So beautiful.
    Don’t take such comments to heart. Jerks are jerks, don’t let them ruin your day. People’s views differ, but due to the anonymity of the net more rude remarks are being made openly. Not nice, but that’s the way it is.

    Regarding unhealthyness, the verdict is still out on whether being fat in itself is actually the big risk factor it’s being portrayed to be. Apart from the fact that, no matter how much we care about ourselves, there is still the physical reality of our bodies having kind of a will of their own, not letting go of any ounce of fat easily or at least gaining it back in the long run. Whatever got us where we are, we will be fat for the foreseeable future, for better or worse.
    So let us own our curves, be beautiful and have fun!

  6. October 1, 2014 3:20 pm

    Go craft it up. Play fetch. And keep on being beautiful, beautiful you!

  7. October 1, 2014 4:38 pm

    I had a hilarious troll a few weeks ago who was insistent I’m so ‘obese’ I can no longer dress myself, despite me having clothes on in ALL my shots. Then the utterly weird sadsack became fixated on zips, assuring anyone reading that I can’t do up a zip. I suppose I keep my team of dressers out of shot! :O I was a mixture of emotions which translates to ZOMG-WTF-ROTFL and a few other things which have no acronym but rhyme with ‘truck’. These people are not firing on all cylinders. For anyone to devote a life to bringing other people down, well, they can go truck themselves. You rock. They suck.

    • October 3, 2014 9:30 am

      Ugh! I once had a person determined to discuss that my feet were misshaped because of my body. I’m like, really?!

  8. AnnaD permalink
    October 1, 2014 5:29 pm

    This makes me so sad and frustrated. You hear songs and see commercials or videos (or whatever) that are starting to promote and encourage acceptance of all body shapes and sizes, and we (society) is starting to talk about encouraging little girls and young women to love who they are and throw out the perceptions of what’s beautiful based on air-brushed images in a magazine. And sometimes I truly feel like we’re on the edge of something…on the cusp of stopping body shaming and creating that acceptance that everyone is beautiful. And then some ass makes a comment like this and it feels like a slap in the face. All I can say is this person is a bully and you are an inspiration. You put yourself out there and are one of the wonderful women who is helping each of us to realize we’re great exactly the way we are.
    It’s hard, but you (and all the rest of us) just have to recognize ignorance for what it is and not let it tear away at the self-confidence we work so hard on building.
    I’m sorry this close-minded, uneducated, and, frankly, prejudiced person chose to leave this kind of comment for you, but you have more support than you can ever know.

    • October 3, 2014 9:31 am

      I also feel the frustration. I guess I can take to heart that I do hear more body positive talk now than I ever did as a teen. Perhaps things are changing and these bullies are the ones falling behind.

  9. October 1, 2014 6:07 pm

    I love your voice. Literally and figuratively. Solidarity lovely! Thank you for your eloquence and clarity in the face of such a sad and limited person’s ignorance. To better days. I hope you enjoyed your night as planned!

  10. October 1, 2014 8:15 pm

    I am thankful you have your head on straight and face these crappy people with a bit of distance. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and it surely sucks these people are out in the world and like to (acceptably) make their opinions known. I’m just glad you are strong enough to not let these people get the best of you and bring you down to their level. We just have to keep fighting these people with positivity!

  11. October 1, 2014 8:25 pm

    Ignore the haters. You are beautiful! If they can’t see that it’s their problem not yours. You keep doing you!

  12. October 2, 2014 5:10 am

    Bravo! Beautiful lady. You are an inspiration šŸ™‚ x

  13. Tabatha permalink
    October 2, 2014 7:04 am

    You are beautiful! You are an inspiration! That person is unhealthy and they have a ugly heart.

  14. Josie permalink
    October 2, 2014 12:42 pm

    Really, it’s not worth the attention. I am slim and receive occasionally also insulting comments because some men think I should have more curves. These people are just weak. They have to insult others to feel better. Personally I think beauty has neither age nor weight or skin/hair color. You are beautiful and I really admire your sophisticated style. Smile it away, Rebecca!

  15. October 2, 2014 2:26 pm

    Ignore that mess! You are fine!

  16. courtney permalink
    October 2, 2014 3:16 pm

    Unfortunately if you put your self out there, in this world, you need to take the good with the bad. Not that what I think was said was appropriate, but now everyone is judging this person and there whole life on it which is the same thing as them judging you on a photo. If it isn’t someone in your life that means something to you let it go, your just hurting yourself. They obviously couldn’t care less about you so don’t even take a moment to waste your time on them.

    • October 2, 2014 4:37 pm

      I hear you but I also disagree to a certain extent. I don’t think it’s okay to just let it go if it does affect me. Thinking that I can take no action makes me feel very powerless, and I think that means accepting things as they are rather than working to change. I also don’t think it’s the same at all in terms of judgment. Actions have consequences and reactions. My picture was not directed toward this person but their comment was directed toward me, and so they operate very differently.

  17. Cyndi permalink
    October 2, 2014 3:35 pm

    Please don’t let that person’s ignorance make you feel small for a second. This person is so off-base on so many levels, so I’d rather just address you. You are my style inspiration- thanks for encouraging me and others like me to be the best version of ourselves- we all deserve to love what we’re wearing and look fabulous doing it!

  18. Amy permalink
    October 2, 2014 5:43 pm

    I’m sorry this happened to you. Words do hurt sometimes even if you try to ignore or overlook ignorant people and comments most of the time. Every now and then, something gets “in” and stings a little more than usual. You’re human…you’re allowed to feel angry and hurt over what was said. I’m glad you are trying your best to move past this rude, judgmental comment. That’s how you persevere and move on. I’ve been a reader of your blog and have followed you on twitter for at least a couple of years now, and I’ve really enjoyed both. Some of it is because I’m a fellow North Carolinian, so I enjoy when you post about where you live and your trips to Asheville and Boone, etc., there’s sort of a sense of camaraderie, I guess. But, I’ve never commented on any post before this one; just been sort of a distant “fan.” Not sure what prompted me to comment now other than I’m in a period where peoples’ unkind words to me are stinging more than usual, so I guess this just hit home. Just know that I love reading your posts and seeing the pics of your awesome sense of style. I’m not a fashion diva by any means, but I’ve certainly learned a few tips and come away with some ideas for my own wardrobe after reading your posts, so please know that by putting yourself out there, you’re are influencing people in a positive way. I hope the knowledge of that eclipses any negativity you’ve faced.

    • October 3, 2014 9:34 am

      Thank you, Amy :). Surprisingly, just someone saying- hey, you’re allowed to be angry–feels so much better, because it often seems like it’s not okay to be angry/affected etc. And you’re right, after we get through that, perspective comes back, and the good outweighs the bad x10000000.

  19. courtney permalink
    October 2, 2014 6:37 pm

    You are very smart! If it does bother you maybe you should try to tell them then. People often forget they are speaking to real people with real feelings online. Everyone is going through their own battles. I bet if they had a heavier friend or family member they would never say something like that to them.Stay positive. Kill em with Kidness!

  20. October 3, 2014 9:35 am

    Thank you to everyone who commented. It helped me process my emotions/feelings about this and feel supported while working those things out.

  21. Claire permalink
    October 5, 2014 11:04 pm

    As the saying goes, “haters gonna hate.”

    You are brave and beautiful, a terrific writer and a very stylish lady. Thank you for sharing your talents with us.

    Anyone who doesn’t appreciate your generosity is coming from a sad, dark place.

  22. October 6, 2014 5:46 am

    The human brain can be really annoying. We could receive 50 good comments but the one that is negative has the capacity to alter our moods. You get more good comments than bad ones. It is impossible in life for everyone to like you unfortunately. You are wonderful and you inspire others to better themselves. Keep it up. I know it is easier said then done but just brush this idiot off and go and read your positive comments :). XX

  23. Boo permalink
    October 16, 2014 8:54 am

    Hello This is the mean girl that posted this..I am very sorry..I mistook you for someone who had been writting racist and hateful comments on my instagram when it was public..your @ is similar.I kept deleting them and changed my privacy…when I went to look for this person I mistook it for you. I recently took the privacy off my account, got another one attacking my daughter and realized it was not you! I do not really feel this way..I was sooooo upset! I apologize that this hurt you, I am truly not a mean or bully at all. I was however being bullied..I would delete the comment if I knew how.

    • November 8, 2014 9:42 am

      Boo, I really appreciate your apology. I know what it’s like to lash out when you are upset. Best, Rebecca

      • Boo permalink
        November 9, 2014 12:19 am

        1 Luv….again it crushes me I hurt are not the person that brought me to tears…i can see you are a loving person….xo

  24. Marie permalink
    November 5, 2015 9:11 pm

    You are beautiful and I love your style. It honestly makes me sad to see pictures of people who are very overweight, but it’s not for the reasons you think. It’s because I too am overweight, and when I look at someone else who is overweight, I think about the struggles I have gone through and continue to face every day due to my weight and the way that overweight people are viewed and treated in society. Just because I’m overweight doesn’t mean that I don’t care about my health. I do. I am always making changes in my diet and activity level to try to loose weight and be healthier, but these become difficult because I also have hypothyroidism and struggle with depression. I am also a full time college student and I work. I struggle with emotional/binge eating to the point where I won’t buy certain foods such as dairy cheese because I will eat it in one sitting. I am not fat because I want to be fat. I do everything I can to loose weight and be healthier to the best of my ability. So you may look at me and think “wow she’s so fat I bet she ate 4 cheeseburgers for lunch” — but this kind of thinking is ridiculous. No one WANTS to be unhealthy. You simply refuse to hate yourself because of your weight and that is what is admirable. Being overweight isn’t necessarily admirable. What’s admirable is loving yourself no matter what your size, and not giving in to societal pressures to feel unworthy because you are fat. You are strong and I wish I could love myself like you do. I wish I could feel beautiful. I wish I wasn’t disgusted by my own body. THAT is what makes YOU a role model. You aren’t “promoting an unhealthy lifestyle”, you are promoting self-love. And you are a great role model.

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